"If any of you lacks wisdom, you
should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it
will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because
the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive
anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all
they do." James 1:5-8
Right now at Portico Church we are going through
the book of James. I have really enjoyed seeing this book in a new light
and this verse totally popped off the page for me as we were going through it.
To better understand, let me tell you how I used
to read this verse:
“I really want wisdom and I need to know what God's
will is... but this verse has such a strong warning against doubting. I
am often doubtful, sinful, and wrong. I am not sure I can believe and not
doubt at all. I can't believe perfectly. God will surely find fault
in the way I am asking because I cannot ask without doubt. I better not
ask at all.”
I can't live that way. I NEED wisdom.
I desperately need to know what God wants for my life and how to handle
situations. So I would still ask. Maybe I wouldn't ask for wisdom
but I would ask "What do you want me to do?" "Why is this
happening?" or "What should I say?" and that is basically the
same thing. I would feel exactly like
this verse predicts. Tossed about. I would think that I heard
something from God and immediately doubt and question if it was Him or just me
and wishful thinking. I would pray and then question anything I felt or
thought that God was saying. I crowded out the still small voice with questions.
Even clear and simple things- like hearing God say "I
love you" were cast into shadows. Maybe I just wanted to hear that
He loves me but He didn't really say it? I didn't believe that I could
really hear from God. More than that, I didn't believe that he loves me enough
to speak to me.
But I still needed wisdom. Desperately. I still had to figure out
how to live my life. So I began assuming that God does not speak. I had
been taught that God speaks through his word so I read the word. I
received many good things from it, but not always how to handle my specific
situations. I didn't
know how to interpret my own life.
I assumed that God was trying to speak to me thorough events.
I assumed that everything that happened to me must have been God's will.
I began to try to determine my future actions through a series of "open doors"
and "closed doors" essentially if something was easy and
fell into place- that must be God and I should move forward.
The worst thing is that I had no way to interpret these
events and so even when really terrible things happened- things that
clearly were harmful to me, I assumed that God must think I am very
strong and was putting this in my life. This made me trust Him even
less and in turn, feel even more shameful and guilty for not trusting. I
was in a crazy cycle of
doubt, fear, loss of trust in our relationship, then shame for that loss of
trust. I felt isolated and alone and increasingly found it difficult to
put on my happy face for church.
This was all wrong in many ways- first of
all this view cast God as the one who was finding fault- but the verse clearly
states that God will give without finding fault.
This
verse seems to be appealing to the natural order; waves are naturally blown
about by the wind. God is not the one who is tossing us about. He
is not the one who is punishing us for our doubt. Rather, a natural byproduct
of doubt is that we will feel tossed about by the waves.
We will become double minded. And worst of all, it's not so much
that God does not long to give us wisdom... it's that doubt shuts our minds and
hearts off to it. We cannot hear from God because we have
put our own fingers in our own ears.
I think
that when someone becomes so double minded that they cannot hear from God
anymore, He does have to resort to guiding that person the way you would a
small child or an animal. I cringe whenever I hear someone say that they
are so hard-headed that God must bully them. They laugh about it as if
it's a condition that is irreversible. God is not bullying them- but he
often is trying to lead them in the only way that He can. This usually
tells me that they are believing lies about themselves (this is just how I
am... this is just my personality) or that they are believing lies about God
(He is a bully, He doesn't love me enough to speak.)
Hearing
from God is a scary thing. In our culture people who talk to God are
virtuous but those who claim to hear from God are crazy. Yet He does
speak. The key is to become more comfortable with the idea
that this process is not perfect. God
is perfect and able to make us perfectly understand, however He wants to cultivate a relationship with us.
Conversational
intimacy with God is something that is developed over time. It is like
any other relationship. It must be prioritized, guarded, and worked on.
I think that often people approach God as if He was a machine.
He is a person. Remember- He became one for us! This means
that sometimes He will want to talk about something else. This means that
sometimes He will be silent.
You are
human and imperfect and so very often you will hear wrongly. This does
not mean that you should give up. I hear wrong things all the time.
Sometimes it IS just wishful thinking or even the enemy that I hear.
God can sort it out. I don't have to come to any big conclusions about myself
or Him just because of that.
This is a
skill that is honed just like any other relational skill. Sitting in
silence, cultivating a listening heart, putting aside distractions and fear
this is the NORMAL Christian life. In fact, conversational intimacy with
God is our BIRTHRIGHT as Children of God. This is what is means to be in
relationship with Him.
I dare
you to ask God for wisdom- and wait. Oh that is vulnerable! What if
He is silent? He might be. Wait on Him. Ask if there is
something else He wants to talk about instead. And when you hear
something don't be so eager to end the conversation. We often hear and
run. God wants relationship. He is trying to slow us down, get us
into His rhythm. Ask a second question or a third. Or just sit
there in silence and enjoy Him. The first step is simply to try.
*** I have found the writings of Richard Foster especially his book on Prayer to be especially helpful.
Additionally, here is a series of podcasts on Conversing with God that have been literally life changing for me- http://store.ransomedheart.com/downloads/podcasts/conversing-with-god-p1-hearing-god-s-voice.html
