Disruption

I came across this old journal entry from a year ago. It's funny that almost a year later I find myself in a similar season- moving again (I really have got to stop doing this every year!) and in the midst of change and sadness and excitement. And finding God faithful- when I slow down enough to receive it! Here it is:

Disruptive. That is my word for this month, hopefully not for this New Year!  

Finding God in the midst of tremendous blessing yet also tremendous disruption of my “normal life”

Moving.

Unpacking.

Broken water heaters.

Asking people if I can shower at their house.

Figuring out how to live in community with two new roommates.

Feeling sure that God is calling us to this community.

Constant surprise at how very different we are.

Hurting each other.  

Asking forgiveness.

Trying again.

Wanting to run away sometimes.

Loving friends when they are hurting physically, emotionally.

Wishing I could take it away for them.

Feeling powerless.

Praying a lot.

Seeing prayers answered sometimes so very simply.

Then seeing other prayers linger on and on.

Thinking through the implications of unanswered prayer.

Warfare.

Wanting people to grow.

Wanting to be a good leader.

Having to confront.

Knowing how far to push people.

“Failing”

Unmet expectations.

Miscalculations.

Leaky celings.

P.M.S.

Having 12 people help you move out of the goodness of theirhearts .

Having to ask 12 people to help you because you really cannot do it on your own.

Being loved.

Humbling.

Having to be needy.

Dealing with brokenness- yours, your client’s, your friends, your house’s.

Having to make some tough calls concerning people in horrible situations.

Come Lord Jesus!

Then the minor irritations.

Where did I put my phone?

Not being able to find things!

Did that even get unpacked?  

Frustration.

Tears.

Laughter at the messiness of it all!

Power outages.

Miscommunication.

Finding God in the midst of it.  Sometimes I get kinda cloudy, overwhelmed, stressed.  Then come back down again.  Realize He is here.  He might not give the answers I want but I have Him.  His love.  His presence.  His grace.  His enoughness. (Look I made a new word!)

Things will settle down, get back to “normal” or “new normal” or something resembling that.  Or maybe they won’t.  But maybe someday soon I could at least find my socks.

What a year it's been!  Thanks for listening friends!